What's in a name?

Being a pretty serious baseball fan, there is rarely a name in a box score that I don't recognize, but every once in awhile, a certain one will catch my eye.

I noticed that in tomorrow's Braves-Cubs game, John Smoltz will be facing off against a gentleman by the name of Ryu.  I don't know about you, but as a video game fan, I hope a Street Fight doesn't break out here.  Ryan Dempster didn't look too sharp the other day.  Maybe they could sign Blanka as their new closer.   He's got quite the finishing move.  I mean pitch.

Anyway, I was thinking that for a casual baseball fan, viewing the very rosters here on mlb.com may be rather confusing to you if you're not as familiar with the names as I am.  (Believe me, I'm not proud of how much I know.  It's quite sad, really.)

Those who aren't die-hard fans won't know that Todd deserves a cup of Coffey as the Reds' closer.  And personally, I think you're a Putz if you think Eddie Guardado should reclaim the closers role for the Mariners.  And Todd Jones is doing just fine in Detroit, but what about Rodney?  He gets no respect I tell ya.  No respect....

Do all of these next players stay in the presidential suite when they're on the road?:

Bush's approval rating has gone down in Milwaukee after a couple of bad starts in a row, Nixon is making a strong comeback in Boston, Ford is leading things off in Minnesota, Kennedy is doing just fine holding down second in both Los Angeles and Anaheim, and Johnson feels right at home at first in Washington.  It's only natural.

How does Ozzie Guillen find time to be the shortstop in Detroit while being the manager in Chicago?  And what the heck is Rey Ordonez doing batting cleanup for the Tigers?

Look at all the two-sport stars currently playing in the bigs:

Jordan is back, y'all, but don't bother checking the NBA box scores, because he's now playing outfield and first base for theAtlanta Braves.  Let's hope this isn't as ugly as the last go-around.

Former Falcons running back Steve Broussard is on first for the Cleveland Indians.  Something tells me if Rafael Furcal tried to pull a Derrek Lee with old Steve-O, he'd come out on the wrong end of that collision.

Floyd Patterson has traded boxing gloves for batting gloves, as he is now manning the outfield for the Baltimore Orioles, as has former champ Chris Byrd, who is doing the same for the Washington Nationals.

Most surprisingly sweet is the return of Walter Payton who is shagging flies as a member of the Oakland Athletics.  Sweetness!!!

Does anyone know who this Ethier character who keeps showing up in the Dodgers box scores everyday is?  I don't, but I do know that he's been blowing up the spot.  Maybe we need to test Ethier for Ether.  Is Ether a banned substance?  I don't know Either.

Don't tell Keith Hernandez, but the ladies are showing up in a lot more than just the dugouts these days:

Loretta is manning second for the Red Sox, Tracy's at third with the Diamondbacks, another two-sport athlete, Picabo Street, is closing games for the A's and a couple ladies with different careers are trying their hands at baseball:  Folk-rock icon and activist Joan Baez is a stellar reliever for the Dodgers and successful newswoman Paula Zaun has been seen behind the plate on occasion for the Toronto Blue Jays.

I'd be Lyon if I said I wasn't a little biased, but the D-Backs have sure Cruz-ed their way through the first two games of their current road trip.  (awfulness intended)

And everyone said the Corey's were done....  I just saw Feldman pitching for the Rangers yesterday.  The Surreal Life indeed.

Vincent Gallo is an actor, a director and a musician, but he still finds time to do some relief work for the Houston Astros.  Unfortunately all his talents couldn't help them overcome the efforts of the mighty Pirates in yesterday's 18 inning marathon.  Mike Lamb wasn't the Gyro of the day, but he did have a great game.

Jerry Springer pitched for the 'Stros yesterday, fresh off his suspension for hitting Barry Bonds with a chair.  Any final thoughts, Barry?

The Nationals are taking things One Day At a Time, which should be pretty easy for them since Schneider is their handy-man behind the plate.

I'm all for product placement, but this is ridiculous.  I've seen the following names showing up on the backs of player's jerseys lately, and I'm getting kind of sick of the commercial overkill: 

"Pinto", "Abercrombie" (where's Fitch?), "Proctor" (where's Gamble?) and worst of all, the shortstop for Toronto in last nights Blue Jays-White Sox game had none other than "McDonald" stitched to the back of his uniform.  I also noticed that in the box score he was listed as "SS McDonald" which leads me to believe that they are subliminally trying to get us to bring back Super Sizing.  I'm not falling for your tricks.  Maybe super-sizing is still legal in Canada?

How does Aaron have the Guiel to put on that Royals uniform everyday?

I noticed M. Cabrera is a Yankee now.  How much money do they have?  I'm surprised they didn't get D. Willis in the same deal.

There is a pitcher by the name of Cassidy in the Padres bullpen.  I suppose the "SD" on his hat stands for "Sundance"?

Last night something scary happened:  2 hurlers with the last name of Nelson pitched in different games, which led me to wonder if Matthew and Gunnar are back.  Let's hope not.  If they became closers, I couldn't deal with "Love and Affection" being their entrance music.

McCarthy showed up in relief for the White Sox last night, but former Sox pitcher Scott Schoenweis finished off the game in extra innings for the Blue Jays, who said "Good Night and Good Luck" to the "Pale Hose". (Who managed only 2 runs on 14 hits.)

The Cleveland Indians have a lot of familiar names in their lineup alone:  Tom Sizemore, Robert Blake, A. Martinez, Rafael Belliard, Spike Lee and Pat Boone all appear on the IndIans' roster.

There are also a few rock n' roll stars pulling double duty in the majors:

Nuno Betancourt is playing short for the M's, Wang chung is a big part of the pitching staff for the Yankees, Kenny Rogers is still roasting batters in Detroit, Jerry Garcia keeps on truckin' for the White Sox and J. Lo was at DH for the Orioles yesterday.

And finally, I know we're supposed to be upholding the separation of church and home plate, but I have to note that Cain was able to string together two heavenly performances in his last two starts for the Giants.